My loves. I can barely remember what life was like without them.
Nope, that’s a lie.
I actually do remember. It was quiet. It was days of me laying on the beach in peace without being covered in sand or scooping sand out of someones mouth. It was me using the bathroom without screaming gremlins thrusting their hands under the door in agony as if I somehow magically disappeared. It was eating a meal without nasty little fingers all up in my plate. It was sleeping without getting gut checked and having pissy diapers to the face. It was being able to wash my hair, paint my nails and go out at anytime without having to plan 3 hours in advance. It was a time where I had stain free clothes that smelled like soap and not vomit or pee or whatever it was that happened that day. Being a mom is awesome.
It’s also a time where I didn’t realize what it meant to truly love so hard that it hurt. How nurturing and patient (and impatient) I could be and how mentally, emotionally and spiritually connected you can be with a little person. Being a military momma, I was always afraid of having a softer side, as if its forbidden. I remember when hubs and I decided to jump in the pool of the unknown and plan for baby. It was every emotion all in one.
Could’ve been all the excitement from being engaged that took over us but there was zero hesitation. Months in, to experience the growth and body transformation; there’s really no words to describe. I was watching my Bump App like a maniac to see what the next fruit or veggie she was going to replicate the size of. So exciting and so fulfilling to bring life to the world. Oh, but then the anxieties kick in. How am I going to do this? What kind of mother am I going to be? What parenting method are we going with? What if our baby doesn’t like me? Should I stop working? Or do I keep working to set an example as a positive role model? All the self-inflicted pressures, and then the moment comes.
I laid eyes on my girl and I remember literally gasping and losing my breath. I know as mothers we’re biased on saying our kids are beautiful, but seriously, she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Every time I held her and nursed her, I was always so overwhelmed with emotions. The craziest part is that all those anxieties and worries that resonated before that day automatically vanished and it was like I went into auto pilot. Everything came so naturally to me and I was so surprised. #momminglikeaboss! Everything from that point on was a new experience. First smile. First time sick. First baths. First crawl, steps, and words. With all of those first’s the most important to me was first time realizing that this new chapter in life is the one I must cherish as I have been blessed with being given this perfect baby girl to teach, love, and raise. Life forever changed.
My Buggs. My Gurl. She’s something else. She’s silly and so feminine yet wants to go hog hunting with daddy😆 She’s all over the place. I love everything about her. I do wish though that she came with some kind of manual because she’s about as easy to figure out as an Egyptian hieroglyphic with no legend being translated by a German. There are days I literally feel like I cant communicate properly with her. She is a life altering little lady that rocks my world and makes me so proud. Self professed mermaid. Loves her family. The one that granted me the title of Mom. She’s awesome.
2 years later, God had some jokes and gave me my little man….what can I say about this kid. He infuriates me just as much as he makes me laugh. He is all momma’s boy through and through and I relish in it. Hubs and I had the odds against us with boys as we both came from family lines of heavy female presence, so I feel I got the best wild card with him. Inquisitive is an understatement, incredibly strong willed and passionate about everything is my boy. I look forward to everyday adventures that he gives me. He’s spirited, in his feelings daily, and I have a hunch that Im going to have to stay on my toes with this one…
Then there is the newest to our pack. Bella Boo is absolutely nothing like my other two. She’s that absolute perfect baby everyone talks about that I swore up and down didn’t exist. She sleeps all the time, has an insanely healthy appetite and smiles non-stop. Not sure if it’s because she’s the third child and we may have finally figured it out or it’s just her nature, but whatever it is, I feel like we’re going to be best friends.
Motherhood is out of this world and I feel tremendous pressure in raising them frankly. Finding the time to balance everything with children is proving to be one of my hardest challenges I am experiencing because I aim to be the best mother in the world. Easier said than done when you have birthed three completely different people, but hey, Im a military momma; challenge accepted.